EDIT: I have now seen the movie and these are my thougts. Some basic spoilers may or may not follow below.
This movie was not my cup of coffee, or tea even, not that I drink it - and that is something you need to keep in mind when reading the following, very basic review: I am not a Star Wars fan. But I can appreciate a well made movie for what it is. I will not bash Cowboy Bebop for being animated, nor will I bash Lord of the Rings for having elves and dwarves in them. Differences in genres are something I am aware of.
However (as Tuvok would say), this movie had a lot of flaws. Most of the somewhat down-toned silliness was bearable and perhaps what you can expect from the Star Wars-series. What was not bearable was the classic "this bad thing happens, but just in the right time, the cavalry arrives". The characters were always saved in the last second and always by something that we, as viewers, had not been given a chance to foresee. Despite that, the story was easy to anticipate, even when it made too big leaps to actually make sense. One moment they are here, the next there and the evil Nazi-corporation of Blue Eyed Bastards have followed them and now a big Star Destroyer shoots and kills some planets for some reason.
The overall story bored me and the weird semi-love story between the meathead Finn (whom for some reason had a lot of compassion, heart and was very socialized despite his upbringing) and the boring Jedi-mechanic-girl felt incredibly forced (pun intended). It was better than the prequels, naturally. Since most of the main characters were just thieves, traitors or murderers I could not help but cheer on the New Vader and his First Order goons - they were very easy to relate to, good guys, just trying to make the galaxy a better place (which is in fact the only conclusion I can draw, nothing was really established why we should not root for the cool guys in white uniforms, except from the first raid on the village, which seemed motivated enough - worse things are done today on Earth in better names, ideologies and religions).
The last fight between the bleeding girl and the cool Vader was so obvious that I just sighed through the whole affair, it was as always not even a least bit exciting, it was obvious what was going to happen - and that is probably intentional, which annoyed me even more.
I am boring myself, so here is a list of grades:
Effects: 9/10. I would have rather seen it in non-3D because the screen always gets so dark with it, but hey-hoy, okay. The effects was enjoyable and I thought again and again how used to awesome effects we are...
Story: 2/10. It was not even bearable, and had I not been sitting in the middle of theather I would have leaved.
Sound: 6/10. This could perhaps be blamed on the place I watched the movie in but the effects was very bland - which is not that bad, but when an explosion is as "powerful" as Chewbacca's growl, I am not fully on the train, so to speak.
Music: 5/10. Acceptable, bland and boring and always in the "right place" to make us feel something when the shallow characters are going through something boring that they makers wanted us to feel something. Feel something. Here is music. Feel.
Acting: Chewbacca was growling and uninteresting, Han Solo was tired and had very little energy, Finn was overacting or playing like he was on a stage play (which is probably the same thing as overacting), the girl was okay but her character was not okay - a tiny girl beating guys twice here size, with or without the force is just boring and so contemporary, so "of our time" that it felt mandatory. The master pilot felt like a rapist, or at least a bar-rapist, which is barely an improvement. I can't remember anymore characters, they were probably boring or CGI-muppets.
Subjective enjoyment: 0/10. If it had been free I would have given it 1/10.
Objective enjoyement (how I perceive other's would enjoy this movie): 8/10 according to the others in the theather. Everyone seemed to have a grand old time. My little gang was overly joyed and I pretended to not hate as much.
Total score: 30 out of 50. Or 300 out of 500 or even as low as 3/5.
HOWEVER: If you are a Star Wars-fan, add 50% on my score, because you get all the Star Wars stuff you want. Would I see this technically speaking very well done movie again? Probably not. Too long, too little story. Boring and predictable.
That is what I do not get with this spoilers-nonsense. Don't spoil Star Wars, plz lolol, some fucking idiots on le Reddit fucking Upboat -lol-ol- keeps posting. Why not? It's just a dumb movie with a happy ending as obvious as a Thai massage.
Also, I am not a Star Wars fan so take this review/bashing with a big grain of salt if you are indeed such a fan.
That concludes this happy review and below we can see my original thoughts on how the evening would develop:
Meh Wars: Wake me Up Forcefully... With elderly white guy and some boring "princess" and other unassorted figures, Gimli-reliefs and lightsabers with crosses because they are evil and probably N@zi(TM). Can anything look more clichée? Why not have a Hister with a square mustache also?
The gang I am going with are quite adamant fans, so I am not sure if I will go through with my plan to get there and "lose them in the crowd - also, I lost my ticket" to get out without the social suicide that might follow. Everything I have seen so far has just annoyed me, so I might save the money. I will go to the biograf and see if anyone of my pals' better* half's brought any hot friends, but it seems unlikely. If there aren't any I think I just turn the heel and go back home. At least I can say I tried.
Also, watch RedLetterMedia's "clickbait" which was entertaining and truthful.
*) Well, worse, really...